IMG_0500My Aunt Barbara suffered a massive stroke at the beginning of the week. The family braced itself for a terrible loss.  My cousin, Elizabeth, flew home from France, not knowing if her mother would still be alive when she arrived. Well, as I should have expected, my Aunt Barbara kicked that grim reaper in the teeth and is hanging in there. Anyone who knows my aunt knows exactly what I mean. I expect the grim reaper is afraid of her and probably called in sick the day he was asked to go collect my aunt.

Hundreds of people are praying for her. A steady stream visits her, offers the family their warmest regards. She earned it. She is quite the character, not someone easily forgotten once met. She is also a very good human being bordering on saintly. That she is my aunt is not at all her fault, and should not be held against her. I am an anomaly in my family.

I am its proverbial black sheep although that is putting it too kindly. I am more like the family rotting corpse in the closet. I bewilder them even though I am not even the only writer in the family. I am merely the oddest of the lot. And not in a sweet, peculiar way, but more in “don’t give her any sharp objects” and “don’t make direct eye contact with her and she’ll go away” sort of way.  I know that when my time comes, if anyone even notices, it will probably only be because of the stench that comes with death. I will never be that person who hundreds pray for. It amazes me that I am related to so many people who inspire such universal love. It is because of them I know heaven exists. Although, I am not sure I will ever pass those pearly gates myself.

A Cheshire cat moon followed me this evening as I was walking my pug. I’ve never liked that grinning moon. It has always filled me with dread although I could not say why. I can’t put my finger on it, and I hope this week, reality will leave me the Hell alone. I have no more patience for it and the creeping anxiety it fills me with.  I have books to write, and that is the only place I can escape my demons. Do not fear. Although, I will never tame my demons, I am not a danger to myself or others as I always keep my demons on a leash.



2 thoughts

  1. Go, Aunt Barbara. Kick the Grim Reaper in the teeth. And just as important, here’s to the Black Sheep. May they make noise and keep the world a little on edge. Everybody doesn’t need to be so comfortable!


  2. Knowing you personally, I would edit your entry to say the “most awesome and interesting in your lot”. You are an amazing person, and I know Barbara is proud of you and will be watching and guiding your success from above. She was a beautiful, amazing person, AND SO ARE YOU!!


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