Mondays require early mornings. I don’t like mornings unless I am crawling into bed after writing all night. Unfortunately, when Monday rolls around, if I stayed up all night, I am paying for it and crawling to work with a head pounding. Cup of coffee mandatory or I do not make it all the way to my desk. Anyone talks to me before I am fully caffeinated and I make the evening news.
Come Tuesday, all bets are off. I can’t fathom that there is still three more mornings where I must minimize stink, cover all my jiggly bits, and drive a heavy piece of metal at high rates of speed down a highway in a partially comatose state where I arrive at work at the school district and make the software run. It’s too much.
And inevitably when I get there, people are smiling. WTF? Smiling? The sun’s not even up yet and it’s not pay day. Weird. People exist that are happy about the whole morning thing. Maybe they are fictional villains in my next masterpiece. That could be arranged. You see where this is going?
By Wednesday, I am dead sure I have died and been sent to a purgatory right next to the doors of Hell. People are excited about “hump” day. There’s no humping going on. It is freaking Wednesday and complaints about the software are at a fervor pace by the middle of the week. The time machine is broken. Last time it was used, the 3rd graders were accidentally sent to the dark ages. They came back with the plague. And a dragon. We don’t use the time machine anymore. We all ended up with that damn plague, an entire school district with boils on their asses. What a disaster.
How many times will the poor folks in customer service have to explain that one? It could be worse. There could be no coffee. I am certain in Hell, there is no coffee and certainly no cake. Oh, I wish there was cake. Maybe by Thursday. Lemon cake. I’m allergic to chocolate now days. It sucks.