The last card for the drawing of 2019 is the Knight of Wands. This heralds creative success. But my, if that is so, November’s Strength put a high price on it.
A Difficult November
I worked tirelessly on cleaning up my book for querying as my mother lie dying. She will not live to see it published so I read it to her out loud, not knowing if she even heard it. November really tested faith and hope dealing out despair in pairs. I have never seen my father look so defeated. Or my brother so angry.
Mental illness and addiction are demonic. That awful cry of how do you save someone from themselves? The story of how my mother brushed up to death (again) is not one I am ready to tell at this time. She has survived a major surgery but remains hospitalized unable to walk or even sit up on her own. She has weeks, possibly months, of PT and rehab to pass through with a body that is so weak that she faces long odds. I know she won’t live much longer but I hope she can find some light before the end so it is not the darkness that takes her.
I cling to the things that make life feel bearable. The routine of work. My writing. Liverpool FC. Time with family and friends. But all feels weighted. Looking for good news in the New Year on the other side of a long and dark road back to the light.
On New Year’s Eve 2018, I did a tarot drawing with the cards my daughter had given me for Christmas. For November, the drawing was Strength. And I will need it for the battles to come.
There are too many fixtures. Jurgen Klopp is right. For top EPL teams, the fixture list is insane. Some painful decisions must be made by FIFA. None will be popular. The best solution (to start with) is to cut the EPL down to 18 teams in order to remove four fixtures per team from the schedule. This ensures that the teams are the very best in football. Yes, EPL players make a lot of money but this fixture list destroys the best players. It’s too much. 
October is my favorite month of the year. I love Autumn and in the South, the fall tends to come late, usually around mid-October. I love the crisp autumn air. Nothing makes me feel more alive than the dying year.
In September, I had thought briefly she might want to keep working here in the South. The cost of living is cheaper. She can make quite a good living here, but she misses New York already. So I am going to appreciate the bit of extra time we get together. I know Frankie has appreciated having two humans to boss around. I can’t believe there are only two months remaining in this year. I thought I would be further along with things. I really did.
It is already September. I did a drawing on New Year’s Eve 2018 for this year. A card for each month. September’s card is my favorite. It is The Star. Inspiration, creativity, and great potential are indicated here. Perfect timing as I am about to query my latest book. Let us hope that it is a better month than August.
crossroads and changes. In August, my daughter moved back here from New York to go back to school and to look at a new career path. I finished up the beta copy of my book weeks later than I anticipated. The ending is still not punching at the level I wish so it is still lying in pieces on my desk. I am giving myself a couple of weeks to figure out that last transition to give the ending the power I am looking for and then on to the beta readers.
July has gone and it is time for another month from my year’s tarot reading. August brings the Hanged Man which portends salvation, a change of direction. That seems a good description. I have finished writing one book that will suit for a debut novel. It will be with beta readers around the 17th before I leave for the beach for a week.
Liverpool is back for the 2019-2020 season. They play Man City on the 4th for “The Community Shield” – it is like a trophy only it’s not. It’s a pre-season less than friendly game. Then the season will open up properly against newly promoted Norwich on August 9th. So turn the page and off we go.
Back in December, on New Year’s Eve, I did a tarot drawing, one card for each month. July drew The Knight of Swords. The knight indicates a battle, one that must be fought but the knight can lead that contest to victory. However, the fight must be made. And that is accurate. There are three distinct battles for me to fight this month.
Dealing with the aftermath of the loss of my childhood home is the first battle of July. Getting my parents settled and finding a way for them to take advantage of insurance paying for everything so they can totally remodel their house, make it easy to live in for the remainder of their days will be a victory. However, the road there is hard and my parents are not in great health. Frankie is super worried.
She wishes to work at something where she feels passion and purpose, wherever that may be. She has taken a “Women in Tech” scholarship to learn full-stack programming to open up her options for employment. While in school, she is going to live with me. She returns home in August.
The third is handing my book over to my two beta readers. I am off this week to finish up the last revisions. I have such mixed feelings. It is a good book, I think. I hope. But it is done. It is time to let it fly.
Game of Thrones came to an end in May 2019. Lots of fans were disappointed. The final season felt rushed to a conclusion that satisfied few. However, for myself, I think that it came to an end was what tore me up. Game of Thrones is undoubtable the greatest television show so far. It drew in millions of viewers, invested them in the complex and difficult characters that spoke so loudly to our humanity. While I will miss the show, miss trying to figure out what happens next, I so look forward the George RR Martin finishing his books. Let’s see which one of us gets there first. Shall we?