Two games, two wins for Liverpool in week 7 of the long, long season. So what is this about unicorns?
I also have an obsession with games in general, board games, video games, sports games, whatever it is, I love competition. Lately, I am obsessed with Unstable Unicorns. It is a game of hilarity in which you try to have more unicorns in your stable than the other players. There are three types of unicorns; baby, basic, and special. All are magical and all count exactly the same. (Except the Ginormous unicorn which counts as two unicorns).
I figure no one has yet to compare my favorite team of all time, Liverpool, to unicorns so I have taken it upon myself in reviewing this week’s two games, one in the Caribao Cup against MK Dons where we played a lot of our adorable, baby unicorns and an ugly win at Bramall Lane against newly promoted Sheffield United where our most powerful unicorns were turned into pandas for most of the game.
Caribou Cup Liverpool 2. MK Dons 0
Baby narwal goalkeeper, Caoimhin Kelleher kept a clean sheet on Wednesday against MK Dons. He played the Neigh card over and over again, denying MK Dons even a single goal. He looked way more experienced than his twenty years dancing about on this planet.
Ki-Jana Hoever, all of seventeen years old, another fine baby unicorn in Liverpool’s stable, scored to secure the win in the competition. Veteran, James Milner, my dog’s favorite player, scored the first goal, a magical Pugicorn indeed.
Harvey Elliott, all of sixteen years old, showed such promise. What a player. No doubt when he grows up, he will be one of Liverpool’s most magical unicorns of all time. He does have that look. Our other babies, Rhian Brewster and Curtis Jones, looked lethal and on any other Premier League team, would probably start regularly. But this is Liverpool and this means more.
Premier League Week 7 Liverpool 1 Sheffield United 0
In his pre-game press conference, Sheffield United’s coach said he would play Liverpool to the death. He would not go down easy. And he was true to his word.
Adrian played the part of the Ginormous Unicorn (two unicorns in one) in goal and helped us keep a clean sheet with Van Dijk, the Magical Kittencorn (so adorable and cannot be destroyed or removed, no matter what you do).
Gini Wijnaldum did his part as the Glitter Unicorn by magically sneaking a goal right under the legs of Sheffield’s goalkeeper. People are making much of this, that Liverpool would have drawn if not for that mistake. Well, the mistake did happen. Liverpool did win. An ugly win counts as much as a blow out win, and no matter what happens with Manchester City, Liverpool will remain at least 5 points clear at the top of the table.
Sheffield United showed true quality. They could have beaten us but for the fact that our players defended as the magical unicorns they are. However, Sheffield did the equivalent of playing the dread Pandamonium card on Liverpool for much of the game, turning our fierce unicorns into pandas which have no magical properties whatsoever.
Sadio Mane, a Chainsaw Unicorn who can usually cut through the defense and saw a big hole into the goalkeeper could not find the net. Mo Salah, the Annoying Flying Unicorn (only annoying from the opposition’s point of view) in that he seems to be everywhere at once, could not quite quite bend the ball past the keeper. He set up a couple of decent chances, but that last splash of magic was squashed by a very determined Sheffield United team.
Bobby Firmino, an Extremely Destructive Unicorn, was unable to breach the final third of the pitch as he usually does. In most games, he leaves the opposition’s back line lying in shriveled heaps on the ground, wondering what the Hell just happened. Not this week.
Still, 1-0 is worth three points. Liverpool, as unicorns or pandas, remain perfect.
Champions League and Brendan Roger’s Leicester City are up next. Let’s hope our unicorns are ready to wreak some destruction on their opposition.